IN CASE OF A NATURAL DISASTER

While a storm brews off the shores of our Caribbean isle, our parents are preparing for the full effects of category one Hurricane Sandy (the squirrel). They buy canned goods and batteries, store water, etc etc., to prevent unreservedly primitive living. Truth is, while the radio repeats the precautions to be made in the case of a hurricane every hour on the hour, since time immemorial, like the precautions are ever going to change - our poor teenage souls are left to fend for ourselves in the realm of disaster-living; searching, and often not finding a means of entertainment to live through the disaster. While it is first and foremostly important to remain as safe as possible during a storm - I figure that if any of you are anything at all like me, you'd like to have some closure when it comes to what you can do for yourself before and after a hurricane.

Ok, poetics aside, here's what you should do in the case of a hurricane:

1. DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Get it done the day school lets you off early until further notice. I'm sure we've all been in situations where we overestimate pending tropical storms and hurricanes, only to realize they're a total bust and we do have school the next day..... Awkward..... Don't let the homework pile up, otherwise you'll cry the night before with a major cup of coffee in your hand and papers scattered across the floor - not exactly 'très chic'

2. TAKE A REALLY LONG BATH

And when I say long, I mean really long. I mean I normally take half-hour in the mornings without washing my hair. So, roughly approximating, I'd say spend an hour and a half or two, washing your hair, shaving, pampering etc. You never know what type of radioactive, contaminated, debris-ridden water Sandy might leave us with after she's shat all over us. Even with a tank, you might be bathing out of a bucket for the next few days. Take heed my friends, take heed.

3. MUSIC, MOVIES, BOOKS, THE LIKE

We all have 'Rain' playlists on our iTunes, but how may of us have 'Hurricane' playlists? I'm sure none of you do, because I just thought of it and I don't even have one. When it comes to music, it's all about what you like to listen to of course, but no offense, if you don't even consider the songs I'm about to suggest, you might be basic? I'm sorry that that may be the case my friend, but we all have to learn to live with our afflictions. Anyway here are my ideas of a Hurricane playlist:

Ayla - The Maccabees

Barely Love You Too - Frank + Derol

The Boys - Nicki Minaj Feat. Cassie (I already know what you're thinking, shut up)

Little House - Amanda Seyfried

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

Lego House - Ed Sheeran (scratch that, everything by Ed Sheeran)

Red - Taylor Swift (The entire album. Or you could just have everything by her like me - why not)

The Cave - Mumford And Sons

Little Lion Man - Mumford And Sons

I Will Wait - Mumford And Sons

Gossamer - Passion Pit

After The Storm - Mumford And Sons

Boom - Anjulie

Fantasea - Azealia Banks (The mixtape)

For movies, I prefer watching a mix of pathetic teenage/young adult films involving suicide, pathetic emotions, drugs, eating disorders or psychosis (or all the above), along with horrors/thrillers of the late 90's into the 2000's. Why not live what we were too young to appreciate, right? Don't forget all - or just a few - of the Audrey Hepburn movies too!

The Silence Of The Lambs

Sixth Sense

The Others

Funny Face

Dazed and Confused

The Breakfast Club

Thirteen

Pretty Woman

Ten Things I Hate About You
Clueless

Armageddon

Breakfast At TIffany's

Girl, Interrupted

Heathers

Life Size

Forrest Gump

The Parent Trap

Jurassic Park

Toy Story (shut up)

Lion King (3rd time's the charm)

Scream

Books - Read whatever you really want, whether it's pathetic teen love stories, tear jerkers, historical novels, poems, whatever. Just physically and emotionally immerse yourself in something to pass time. While you all read something by Nicholas Sparks (blah), I'll be reading the latest issue of Vogue (and all the others before that because I'm hopeless), The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, Sylvia Plath's entire collection of poems as well as The Bell Jar by her.

Wasn't that fabulous? Ok have fun and keep safe in the hurricane!!!!!

Brooke

I'VE DECIDED TO SCALP YOU AND BURN YOUR VILLAGE TO THE GROUND

While watching The Addams Family film, and possibly starving myself in the process, a friend from school told me I'd "make a great Wednesday". I pondered upon it for a while - 3 seconds approximately - but discarded the impossible compliment and decided she was just being naïve and unorthodoxly kind. However, I then realised, I would make for a brilliant Wednesday Addams - of a darker shade of course, and with less interesting features. Besides that, I figure I have her personality in the bag - I'm generally sarcastically morbid and frank anyhow. Plus, with all the new black in my closet I can put together one of her simple grunge outfits - très chic. Maybe I'll even bring along a bottle of poison.

Now that I've made the extremely trying decision of what to be for Halloween, if I ever get invited anywhere, a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can focus on something else equally stressful, like deciding which groomer to send my puppy to...

Brooke

P.S. Dear Jamaica: care more about Halloween, so I'll have a surplus of events to choose from because I won't be attending any tweenage parties.

P.P.S. Thanks friend, for your participation in my life-changing realisation of how similar I am to Wednesday Addams.

An Ode to Lately

An Ode to Lately

Lately I've been feeling blue-grey

Blue as the oceans wide

Grey as the falling skies

Lately I've been feeling blue-grey

Blue-grey as Daphne Groeneveld's eyes

Oh school life,

'Tis the bane of existence

'Tis the birthplace of conformity

'Tis you who causes my lack of creativity

Oh social life,

Lately

'Tis you who has changed so greatly

So suddenly,

Now I sing,

"What did I do

To make you so cruel"

Oh social life,

I owe my woes and this ode to you

Oh mother,

Can't you realise

Can't you recognise, 

That fashion is the only key

To my gaiety

Dear mother, 

Lately,

I'm in dire need 

of some retail therapy

Brooke

(Please if you love my work and you'd like to publish my poem, Ode to Lately, you may contact me via email: pensivebrookeodetolately@gmail.com)