If I Only Had the Money: CHRISTMAS WISHLIST I

       

           

      

 

 

Dear Mom/Dad,

Do you ever just sit down and stare out the window pensively while thinking about just how chic you are? Today, after having been told of my total brilliance by my French teacher and having nothing to do - I was lucky enough to do just that and revel in the glowing chic pouring out of every fibre of my vintage jumper. While almost everyone fell prisoner to the system that was Goofy/Jeans Day (I have made that mistake only twice in my life but let's not dwell on the past), I wore shades of pink (not the peptobismol kind - but the dusted rose kind) and snakeskin Vince Camuto ballerina flats. Unfortunately, prior to my self-realisation, I found that my rusted red corduroy-jeans were on the verge of tearing. Where did we buy those jeans, mom? Some place called Macy's (I think that's what they call it??) for $40-$50 - do you see what happens when we quit buying JBrand?

Think about it, my dear gametes, your own child has had the divine characteristic of great fashion-sense - a talent even, a certain 'je ne sais quoi'. Let's build on what we have (i.e. my chic-ness) and invest on your daughter's wardrobe until she is forced to be a part of the work world. With an already fabulous teenage wardrobe, she may never have to endure Casual Fridays, and nobody wants that. So, parents, make your zygote materially (double-meaning intended) happy this Christmas (and for the rest of her life) and buy some J.Crew, Étoile Isabel Marant and JBrand Jeans. Heck, throw some Miu Miu and Valentino in there too!

Sincerely,
Your only 17-year old (chic) daughter


P.S. Who is Macy anyway and why would her parents give her that name?

HOW TO: Drown Yourself In Depression

Another title for this post could be "Watch The Victoria's Secret 2012 Fashion Show." The whole self-induced depression thing goes hand in hand really.

Like the rest of the male/female/LGBT/Western population (do they watch Victoria's Secret fashion shows in Asia?) I watched the Victoria's Secret 2012 Fashion Show and to be quite frank, I don't know what to do with myself. I have literally been anticipating this deliberate deterioration of my self esteem for months, to experience one hour of lingerie, legs for days, and torn emotions. I had to curl up on my silk duvet fluffed with eiderdown for fifteen minutes to collect myself. I cried actually - for several reasons...

I cried tears of joy: 1. Because I was unexplainably proud of the girls I felt like they were my own children 2. Justin Bieber was on the stage 3. Rihanna was on the stage 4. Candice got her own lil solo 5. Candice grabbed Rihanna's ass

Still, I found the tears of jealousy/sadness/depression much more overwhelming. I cried because: 1. Bruno Mars was on the stage 2. Candice did not open the show 3. They did not properly broadcast the aforementioned bum-grabbing 4. I DO NOT HAVE CANDICE SWANEPOEL'S BODY

Yup.... Yup, that's all. I will never be able to thank you enough, Victoria's Secret, for the extreme diet I am about to endure.

Brooke

Inspiration: Porcelain Antiquities

On somedays, we all just want to look like antique porcelain dolls. Am I right or am I right?

Brooke

Flurkin' Florals

  

  

Excuse the lame title but profanity isn't really my thing (just kidding - it is). Either way, I had to find a chic way project my deep desires for the florals I've been seeing on net-a-porter lately. They're perfect for brightening up the winter season. Between J.Crew, Preen and Erdem, I don't know which designer makes me most depressed. (I actually think Erdem is winning with that Dinah silk-satin pencil skirt.)

Brooke

IN CASE OF A NATURAL DISASTER

While a storm brews off the shores of our Caribbean isle, our parents are preparing for the full effects of category one Hurricane Sandy (the squirrel). They buy canned goods and batteries, store water, etc etc., to prevent unreservedly primitive living. Truth is, while the radio repeats the precautions to be made in the case of a hurricane every hour on the hour, since time immemorial, like the precautions are ever going to change - our poor teenage souls are left to fend for ourselves in the realm of disaster-living; searching, and often not finding a means of entertainment to live through the disaster. While it is first and foremostly important to remain as safe as possible during a storm - I figure that if any of you are anything at all like me, you'd like to have some closure when it comes to what you can do for yourself before and after a hurricane.

Ok, poetics aside, here's what you should do in the case of a hurricane:

1. DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Get it done the day school lets you off early until further notice. I'm sure we've all been in situations where we overestimate pending tropical storms and hurricanes, only to realize they're a total bust and we do have school the next day..... Awkward..... Don't let the homework pile up, otherwise you'll cry the night before with a major cup of coffee in your hand and papers scattered across the floor - not exactly 'très chic'

2. TAKE A REALLY LONG BATH

And when I say long, I mean really long. I mean I normally take half-hour in the mornings without washing my hair. So, roughly approximating, I'd say spend an hour and a half or two, washing your hair, shaving, pampering etc. You never know what type of radioactive, contaminated, debris-ridden water Sandy might leave us with after she's shat all over us. Even with a tank, you might be bathing out of a bucket for the next few days. Take heed my friends, take heed.

3. MUSIC, MOVIES, BOOKS, THE LIKE

We all have 'Rain' playlists on our iTunes, but how may of us have 'Hurricane' playlists? I'm sure none of you do, because I just thought of it and I don't even have one. When it comes to music, it's all about what you like to listen to of course, but no offense, if you don't even consider the songs I'm about to suggest, you might be basic? I'm sorry that that may be the case my friend, but we all have to learn to live with our afflictions. Anyway here are my ideas of a Hurricane playlist:

Ayla - The Maccabees

Barely Love You Too - Frank + Derol

The Boys - Nicki Minaj Feat. Cassie (I already know what you're thinking, shut up)

Little House - Amanda Seyfried

Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran

Lego House - Ed Sheeran (scratch that, everything by Ed Sheeran)

Red - Taylor Swift (The entire album. Or you could just have everything by her like me - why not)

The Cave - Mumford And Sons

Little Lion Man - Mumford And Sons

I Will Wait - Mumford And Sons

Gossamer - Passion Pit

After The Storm - Mumford And Sons

Boom - Anjulie

Fantasea - Azealia Banks (The mixtape)

For movies, I prefer watching a mix of pathetic teenage/young adult films involving suicide, pathetic emotions, drugs, eating disorders or psychosis (or all the above), along with horrors/thrillers of the late 90's into the 2000's. Why not live what we were too young to appreciate, right? Don't forget all - or just a few - of the Audrey Hepburn movies too!

The Silence Of The Lambs

Sixth Sense

The Others

Funny Face

Dazed and Confused

The Breakfast Club

Thirteen

Pretty Woman

Ten Things I Hate About You
Clueless

Armageddon

Breakfast At TIffany's

Girl, Interrupted

Heathers

Life Size

Forrest Gump

The Parent Trap

Jurassic Park

Toy Story (shut up)

Lion King (3rd time's the charm)

Scream

Books - Read whatever you really want, whether it's pathetic teen love stories, tear jerkers, historical novels, poems, whatever. Just physically and emotionally immerse yourself in something to pass time. While you all read something by Nicholas Sparks (blah), I'll be reading the latest issue of Vogue (and all the others before that because I'm hopeless), The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, Sylvia Plath's entire collection of poems as well as The Bell Jar by her.

Wasn't that fabulous? Ok have fun and keep safe in the hurricane!!!!!

Brooke

I'VE DECIDED TO SCALP YOU AND BURN YOUR VILLAGE TO THE GROUND

While watching The Addams Family film, and possibly starving myself in the process, a friend from school told me I'd "make a great Wednesday". I pondered upon it for a while - 3 seconds approximately - but discarded the impossible compliment and decided she was just being naïve and unorthodoxly kind. However, I then realised, I would make for a brilliant Wednesday Addams - of a darker shade of course, and with less interesting features. Besides that, I figure I have her personality in the bag - I'm generally sarcastically morbid and frank anyhow. Plus, with all the new black in my closet I can put together one of her simple grunge outfits - très chic. Maybe I'll even bring along a bottle of poison.

Now that I've made the extremely trying decision of what to be for Halloween, if I ever get invited anywhere, a huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can focus on something else equally stressful, like deciding which groomer to send my puppy to...

Brooke

P.S. Dear Jamaica: care more about Halloween, so I'll have a surplus of events to choose from because I won't be attending any tweenage parties.

P.P.S. Thanks friend, for your participation in my life-changing realisation of how similar I am to Wednesday Addams.

An Ode to Lately

An Ode to Lately

Lately I've been feeling blue-grey

Blue as the oceans wide

Grey as the falling skies

Lately I've been feeling blue-grey

Blue-grey as Daphne Groeneveld's eyes

Oh school life,

'Tis the bane of existence

'Tis the birthplace of conformity

'Tis you who causes my lack of creativity

Oh social life,

Lately

'Tis you who has changed so greatly

So suddenly,

Now I sing,

"What did I do

To make you so cruel"

Oh social life,

I owe my woes and this ode to you

Oh mother,

Can't you realise

Can't you recognise, 

That fashion is the only key

To my gaiety

Dear mother, 

Lately,

I'm in dire need 

of some retail therapy

Brooke

(Please if you love my work and you'd like to publish my poem, Ode to Lately, you may contact me via email: pensivebrookeodetolately@gmail.com)

Inspiration: 90's Tyra

Just for this, I wish I was a teen in the nineties.

Brooke

GAGA FOR BALENCIAGA

PS: Vogue.com 

After Paris Fashion Week set sail with Rochas and Dries van Noten, the Balenciaga SS/13 defilé was next in line, proving to be nothing short of spectacular. What we all love about Balenciaga, I'm sure, is it's ability to create refreshing looks each season while maintaining consistency in the structure of the pieces. The clean, tailored structural lines and the symmetry in the patterns of the looks, are things we see every season in some way. Even the asymmetrical pieces seem to have some structure or repetitive pattern. Let's not forget the shoes, the reason I fell in love with the fashion house years ago: those clunky geometric heels jutting from a fairly 'tailored' shoe might as well be a trademark for Balenciaga. However the regularity never bores us, because something strays just enough to keep our eyes on the garb. And once again, these looks are a breath of fresh air amongst all the (tasteful) fluff we've seen for other designers throughout the Fashion Weeks...

But that's just me. What do you all think?

Brooke